Happy...

I feel much better now. Sorry for the prior rant everyone, but sometimes it helps.

Shari

Ugh.

I'm so...bleh right now.

I feel like sometimes in my life people just take advantage of me. I'll do everything and I'm fine on my own so why not let me do it? Seems like it's just easier for everyone that way and sometimes I feel like saying fuck it and shutting down. But I can't do that. I'm not allowed to do that because I feel this overwhelming responsibility to take care of everyone else. I feel so sad right now I just want someone to hold me and be there for me and I feel like right now that's impossible. No one asks me what I think about pretty much anything, and even if they did I feel like most of the time what I say doesn't matter. I just feel so upset lately. Is company so much to ask? I just feel so damn alone and I just want to fucking scream. I'm so mad about so many things right now, and it doesn't matter. It's not like anyone is going to help me, or make it better. Or for that matter even understand what's upsetting me. I'm fucking stuck dealing with on my own even though that's not what I want. I've been dealing with everything on my own since I was so young all I want to do is just take a break. I want someone to focus on me for once, but for fucks sake it would bother me. It's been so scarce in my life it's like if someone did focus on me I would feel so god damn guilty about it I wouldn't be able to enjoy it. I guess most of all I just feel under appreciated. Even when I talk no one listens but I have to listen to everyone else. So once again I'll put a smile on my face, and even though I'm so upset inside I'll just swallow it and move on. And no one will be the fucking wiser.

bleh